Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
should my penis look like a turkey
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
