wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
