You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
