I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
