they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
