I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
