Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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