dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
