shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
