Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
