so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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