I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
