I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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