So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
