two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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