Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I stole a fireplace last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
