you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
