Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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