I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
