i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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