My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
