WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
