You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
