I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
