Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
