I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
