You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
