I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
