so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
