I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
