Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
