My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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