Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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