Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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