You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
