Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
