I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
