I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
