if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
