Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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