So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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