I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
