I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
