We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
