I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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