We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
