Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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