3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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