Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
