I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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