you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Randomize
