They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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