You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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