I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
