I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
