I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
