how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just pee around me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
