So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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